Mortality
by veebeejustte
Summary: On Halloween night, an evil scientist invented an inator which turns all costume-wearing Halloween celebrators into whatever they are dressing up as. This is, of course, the night the gang has a scary costume themed Halloween party. Now they must live with the effects of being a vampire, witch, or other monster. Rated T for blood, death, and violence (hence the word VAMPIRE).
1. Prologue

**A/N: Here it is! The monster fic my reviewers wanted! This was also my most planned out piece of work too, so I'm glad you guys liked the idea. I noticed the severe lack of vampires in this fandom, and wanted to do something about it, and out of it came this interesting paranormal romance. But first I want to get a few things clear: This is NOT Twilight! There is NO Vampire vs. Werewolf battle, no sparkly glitter-glue vampires, none of that. The couples are Phinabella and Ferbnessa with hints of Ferbella (Sorry! There's just a few in one or two chapters!). There will be a bit of the Doof and Perry plot, but they are only important in the very beginning and the very end. And the characters' ages are as follows: Candace is 21, Phineas, Isabella, and Baljeet are sixteen, which, in my mind, would put Buford and Ferb at 18. Now for the prologue:**

* * *

_Dear Candace,_

_After you've read this note, destroy it. Don't look for us, don't tell anyone anything. Assume we're dead. It's for the best, we promise you._

_Before we leave, we just wanted to say "Thank you". For all you've done for us. For all you'll do for yourself by not looking for us. For all you would've done had we been able to stay. So thank you. For everything. But we need to leave. We know you want to see us again, but it's out of the question, you see? We're monsters! Don't look for us, assume we're dead. Please. Thank you._

_~~~Phineas and Ferb_

* * *

**A/N: Yup. Just a short note for the prologue. But do not worry, my dear! It will get better! Much better indeed! Bwahahahaha! Alright, enough evil laughter. Veebee's out, peace!**_  
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	2. The Not-Really-A-Costume-Inator

**Author's Note: So, here goes. My first real chapter of my first real story. Man, I'm pumped :D! Alright, so as stated, this is gonna be a paranormal monster type story. Despite the fact that I ship Ferbella and Phinessa, this is gonna be PHINabella and FERBnessa. I thought it would suit the story better. If you absolutely despise my story, flames are completely welcome (that's right, you can ramble on and get really mad, use bold, explanation points and everything!), and feel free to correct me and ask questions. I don't get offended too easily. Okay, here's Chapter One.**

It was a dark and stormy Halloween night. The wind shook the trees, fog clung to the streets like a white milky veil, and one might imagine monsters lurking in the mist. Isabella Garcia-Shapiro walked in silence across the street, but one could tell from the smile on her face that she was extremely excited.

She was dressed in a typical Halloween witch costume, consisting of a pointed hat, a black dress with a purple belt, and dark-colored combat boots. Her makeup was perfect; she had triple checked it before she left. Now all that stood between her and the door was shyness. She definitely shouldn't have been shy, she had been coming here for years, but yet shyness still caught hold of her whenever she came over to the house of her long-time crush and best friend, Phineas.

Finally, clearing her throat, she knocked on the door. It was quiet, just a small tap, but that was more than enough for Phineas, who answered immediately with his typical energetic aura. "Oh! Hi Isabella!" he greeted, "Come on in!"

Isabella started with her normal greeting,"Hey Phineas! Whatcha dooin'?" but then she noticed his apparel, or lack of apparel, and added, "Without a shirt...?"

Phineas, though blushing a tad, quickly replied with a response such as he would usually give, "Isn't it obvious? I'm a werewolf!"

"Oh, like from Early Evening?"

"Yeah, I'm Michael, and Ferb's Jared, see?" He opened the door wider and let Isabella in, revealing Ferb's impeccable 'Jared' costume, along with Buford who forgot to wear a costume, and Baljeet who was... some sort of... she held back a laugh just long enough for Baljeet to explain.

"Phineas told me to dress up as whatever I feared most!"

"So you decided to go as Britney Spears?!" Isabella giggled.

"That woman scares me!"

"Nice..." Isabella couldn't help but laugh. Typical Baljeet. This night was going to be wonderful.

Then Phineas continued his long going cliché by saying, "Hey, where's Perry?"

Meanwhile, Perry was going off to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated to fight the inevitable clichéd plot that was bound to occur. He burst through the door to see Doofenshmirtz pointing a ray gun at him. "Oh, hello Perry the Platypus! Come on in!"

Then he shot the gun, shooting hundreds of disgusting-looking spiders at him. Perry was about to struggle when Dr. Doofenshmirtz interrupted: "Don't move! One sight deviation and the spiders will bite! Anyway, for my evil scheme! Lately, costume stores have annoyed me, so I thought to myself, What if everyone was already what they were going to dress up as? They couldn't need to buy a costume, and all the costume stores would go out of business! That's why I have invented the 'Not-Really-A-Costume-inator!"

He lifted the curtain off an object pointed right off the balcony to reveal a large metal contraption with a large ray at the end. "Now watch as I aim this devious weapon at every trick-or-treating neighborhood and Halloween party in the ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA!" He laughed evilly as he fired the 'Inator' at a certain house on Maple Drive...

Doofenshmirtz's laugh could be heard from the bottom floor of his large building. He was certain that this would be the first time he had actually won against the accursed Perry the Platypus, but sadly, nothing happened.

"Okay, what's going on?" Doof looked over to see Perry right next to him, hand pointed at a a small switch. "Huh...?"

Doof squinted at the small dial, and soon the label came into view. It read 'Eventually'. Doof, cursing Perry, decided to go back inside and rethink his labels for next time. Little did he know that 'Eventually' would still have a very deep effect on the victims, even if not immediate, and even if it was only done so that the Author would have more fun writing the 'Eventual' transformation of these four teenagers.

Meanwhile, the victims hadn't even noticed that they had been hit.

**A/N: And the insane-ness begins! I am happy and tired at the same time! So, in case you haven't figured out yet, Ferb's gonna be a vampire, Phin'll be a werewolf, Izzy's a witch, and 'Jeet and Buford are... to be explained... Anyway, see you guys Tuesday with another chapter!**


	3. Transformation One: The Vampire Bat

**A/N: Back to this story of lunacy (that was a really bad pun, but you won't get it for a few chapters)! So, you know who they're gonna be, the only question now is: When and how will it happen? Well, we'll find out with Transformation One!**

The night, in Ferb's opinion, had been fairly uneventful thus far. The sang, listened to music, ate pizza, showed off some other bizarre invention, and were now sitting in the living room watching some movie he was completely uninterested in. Trying nto to pay attention to the cheesy effects, his eyes wandered around the room. Everything seemed abnormally normal, if that even made sense. There was not a hair out of place, everything was completely in order, so well-organized that his heart skipped a beat when he saw two wings fluttering behind the television. They were cruel, pointed wings similar to that of "a bat," he said.

Phineas, raising an eyebrow, turned to him. "What?"

"There's a bat!" Then, as if on cue (Which of course it was, seeing as this is just a story), the bat sprang out and bit Ferb right on the neck. It all happened so fast it was almost paralyzing. Then with a flash of shadow the bat was gone and Ferb was collapsed on the floor, in a state of being somewhere between asleep and dead.

Phineas, eyes widened beyond normality, then stuttered, "F-F-Ferb?" And with that the party ended. Everyone left as quickly as they could, leaving Phineas alone to put Ferb in his bed and desperately hope that he would wake up the next morning, or ever at all...

Now, about Ferb. We sould sum up his current state in one word: pain. Pain is something that everyone has endured. Whether the smallest scrape or bruise to broken and severed limbs to the ache that accompanies a lost love, we all know pain. It's something we all know. And yet, in his seemingly deathly state, Ferb was certain that no one had ever had such a headache, such a stomachache, such a- well everything ache, he supposed. It felt like his whole body had been flattened by a steamroller, dropped in a volcano, and then pricked with trillions of microscopic needles on all his pressure points. All he could think of was hurt, blood, pain- wait, blood? Where had that come from? The one thing that he was certain of was that he was not bleeding, yet... Blood... Blood...

Nothing was important except the pain and blood.

Blood.

The world collapsed and was resurrected in a cruel, bloody flash of pain.

Blood.

Venom surged through his veins, combusting the last of his blood.

Blood.

Then the pain was gone, but blood was still on his mind.

Blood.

Blood.

_Blood._

BLOOD!

Ferb's head shot up; he was awakened, but he still thought of blood.

BLOODBLOODBLOOD!

Phineas was right next to him, concerned about Ferb's pale, bloodless complexion.

Blood...

Suddenly Ferb's eyes darted towards Phineas; they were blood red.

Blood.

Ferb slowly stood up and walked toward Phineas in search of blood.

Blood.

Blood.

Ferb couldn't remember what happened next, just thinking of blood.

Blood.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah. Blood. Sweet.**


	4. Ginger Vs Vampire

**A/N: Well, I'm a bit bored. Anyway, I think much of this chapter can be explained by the title and the context, but in case you missed something, here's some background. Ferb is now a vampire. If you don't understand that read the last chapter (you know, the one that said "blood" over and over again?). He has now awakened to Phineas, who is a human (a.k.a. he contains blood...) and is rampaging after him. This typically would result in the immediate death of Phineas, but since this is only a story we'll let it slide. This is where this chapter comes in...**

Phineas was just a touch confused, if only for a moment. His immediate reaction was to run, but since he was always quite the multi-tasker, he managed to piece together most of Ferb's side of the story too. It all made twisted sense: the constant mumblings of "blood...pain...blood..." under Ferb's breath, the bat (or vampire bat, he supposed," the fact that he could now run as fast as a... something that runs fast... and- wait, how was Ferb still behind him? He risked a glance behind his back to see that Ferb was nowhere. Suddenly he heard a voice. _Ferb's_ voice.

"You thought you had me beat there for a moment, didn't you?" Ferb's voice was exactly as Phineas remembered it, but just a tad inhuman, almost sinister.

"Maybe..." came Phineas' ever-so-intelligent response.

"Well, you were wrong, now weren't you? And now you must face the consequences."

Phineas backed toward a brick wall, which in retrospect was an awful decision seeing as he was in an alleyway. Ferb lurched towards him in search of simple and immediate blood, until he heard the somewhat pleasant voice of a girl behind him, "Ferrbbb..." she sounded almost like a purring cat. Ferb turned to see a girl of about thirteen with curly, fiery shoulder-length red hair and ocean blue eyes. She was not ugly, but she wasn't exactly pretty either. Ferb instantaneously changed victims, until both girl and vampire disappeared.

Phineas then awoke in his bed of all places. Had it really been a dream? That was impossible! Or was it? Phineas looked over at Ferb's bed. No Ferb. Huh. He might've already gotten up...? Phineas got out of bed, dressed, and went downstairs. Right when he came down he noticed his mom, who was off to some place to do something (he didn't know what, but she did something every day, why would today be any different?), but no Ferb. Perhaps he was in the bathroom or something...

After his mom had left, he searched the house (since it was Saturday, he didn't have to worry about missing the bus). No Ferb. He was starting to panic when he noticed something else: Perry was gone. "Wait, Perry's gone every day, why does that matter?" In fact it didn't. He called Ferb's cell phone. It was turned off.

In the mean time, Ferb awoke (completely in control of himself, he noted) in a room that looked somewhat like that of a teen-aged girl. A rather sloppy teen-aged girl, that is. The walls were an oddly pale purple and the stacks of books, papers, and pencils on the white desk and dresser were at least a foot and a half high. He sat up to see a vaguely familiar girl with red hair frantically typing on a laptop. She immediately looked up at him and said (without her lips moving at all) "You're awake."

"Yes," he answered, and made sure to add some helpful questions, "Who are you? Where am I? And why are you typing so fast?"

"The first I can't quite answer for fear of stalkers finding out where I live. You may refer to me as 'The Author' though. The second is simple. You are in my room. And for the last one, I am trying to type everything that is happening in the most accurate way possible."

"Whaaat...?" Ferb trailed off. He was, in a single word, confused. Author? Typing what happened? Whaaat?

"To explain this I would have to break the fourth wall in ways never perceived by man or vampire before. Um, let's see... You're in a story. A story that is to be posted on a website. I have complete and utter control over you and everyone else in this story, and before you ask, yes, that includes Phineas," The Author explained hastily.

"Wait," Ferb replied, "that means you did this!" he aimed a finger at his neck where the two holes from his bite were, "What kind of horrible author are you?"

Suddenly the Author, despite being about eight inches shorter than Ferb, managed to back him up against the wall. Then, suddenly, Ferb saw stars. After he had blinked himself into typical eyesight again, he gently touched his cheek and noticed a bruise.

"That's impossible," he said, since obviously, it was.

"Yes, you have forced me to make a plot hole, and now, I have to deal with a bunch of crazy reviewers complaining about it."

* * *

**A/N: Oooo! OC! OC! Yeah, that's my OC. Anyway,**** I think I may have mislabeled the genre on here. This is actually the first of a trilogy, for your information. This one is more fantasy than romance. The second is where the real romance comes in. Then the third leans toward Sci-Fi. So yeah. Bye!**


	5. Black Hole

**A/N: Yay! I haven't gotten any plot-hole flames, which is a good thing seeing as there's gonna be more... Anyway, I think it's about time we get back to the story of our favorite vampire and his encounter with my annoying Mary Sue of an antagonist:**

Since the Author could easily kill him off, Ferb decided that he might want to back off. And then the Author surprisingly said, "I am so tired of these plot-holes. Here, I will provide you safe passage home."

But Ferb _had _to question it, "_Safe_ passage?"

So then, rolling her eyes, the Author responded, "Fine! I'll provide you excruciatingly painful passage home!" And with that, Ferb's world sank into darkness, ultimate oblivion, stretching and pulling on him in a way even more painful than becoming a vampire. He seemed to be in a black hole.

In the mean time, the Author made plans of her own: "Let's see, what's the best way I can ruin him... Well I suppose if... YES!" She had gotten an idea for Ferb's plot line, now for everyone else's...

* * *

After the black hole, he still found himself in eternal darkness, but this time there were four walls around him and there seemed to be- yes! A door! Ferb shoved the door open to find himself in his room, and after getting out, he noticed his bed had been replaced by a coffin. Go figure. That's when Phineas Flynn entered. "Ferb? You in here? Ferb!" Noticing him, he ran up and barraged him with questions, "Where were you? What's with the coffin? Are you seriously a vampire? Am I allowed to put up the curtains, or are you going to get incinerated? Should-"

"Wait! Wait! Holy cow, Phineas! Slow down, slow down, slow down! Yes, I'm a vampire! And you probably want to get away before you annoy me enough to kill you!"

"Well, you're obviously still Ferb... Did you, you know-" Phineas made a beheading gesture, "while you out?"

"I wish I could have... That ginger girl is so obnoxious... But no, I didn't."

"Sweet. Should we make breakfast? I mean, I already ate, but..."

"Well, if you can find any humans nearby... Wait, that would be you."

"Right, so no breakfast then?"

"Not unless you like dying."

* * *

Two weeks later, Ferb had already buried twenty-six bloodless corpses.

Blood.

Oh, not again! If he so much as thought the word 'blood', he would go back into his rampage.

Blood.

No! Stop thinking! But that was what blood made him do, he remembered with vague effort.

Blood.

After all, he was a vampire, and vampires drink blood. Sweet, crimson blood from humans least expecting it.

Blood. Blood. Blood. BLOOD.

Later that night, Ferb came back in through the window. Phineas had stayed up late waiting for him, which made Ferb a little uneasy, seeing as it was one-thirty in the morning.

Phineas was truthfully extremely tired of this everyday charade, but since Ferb really had no choice in the matter he bore with him, no matter how difficult it was. He truthfully just couldn't get over the fact Ferb was killing innocent people... But of course Ferb probably felt the same way... It was all so confusing! Why did Ferb have to be a stupid vampire? Why had he been so distant lately? Was there any way out of this? These along with a million other odd questions lurked in his head never to be answered. And, of course, Phineas greeted Ferb with his usual lighthearted response: "So you...?" Phineas made the typical 'death to an innocent person' gesture.

"Yeah... That's typically why I sneak out of the house..."

"Well, that's true, but-"

"Please, I don't wanna hear it." So, in defeat, Phineas got into his bed and pulled up the covers.

**A/N: Yeah, a bit of a choppy chapter-link... So, next chapter you can expect the transformation of Phineas with Iz and Jeet soon after, followed by the death- I mean the unfortunate- No! *covers mouth* I gave it away! Darnit! Well I guess you don't know whose death, so... Anyway, see you guys soon!**


	6. Transformation Two: Dogbreath

**A/N: Here it is! My second Transformation!**

Phineas undoubtedly needed to try harder. The next night he locked Ferb's coffin, followed immediately by his breaking out and quickly leaving for blood. The night after he hung garlic on the window. Of course, the front door was unlocked... It wasn't working. So the next night he stood guard on the street with Isabella, who had, along with Baljeet and Buford, figured out exactly what had happened just by looking at Ferb. So sitting on Isabella's front lawn on a Wednesday night looking for an out-of-control vampire, they continued their typical conversation. Something had just come to Phineas' mind.

"Isabella?"

"Yeah?"

"Is there any reason we never see your dad?" Phineas looked at tad puzzled by this thought.

Isabella felt a cold drop of sweat slide down her neck, "Umm, no..." she said quickly. No point in telling him. He'd been through enough in the past few weeks.

"You sure? I mean, there's got to be some reason I've known you for almost ten years and not once seen your father..."

Isabella settled on twisted truth, "He's a bit of a loner..." She thought of him right then, alone, uncontrollable, in the woods.

"Well then how did he meet your mom?"

If only he was this way about her crush on him! "Well, it's a long story... My dad's not really normal..." It was that moment that Ferb walked outside. It wasn't a vampire walk, just a normal walk, but it still warranted her checking on it.

Phineas would stay back unless Ferb looked dangerous, which he didn't. So while Isabella went to talk to him, Phineas was alone, and being watched by someone. Little did he know at the time that it was Mr. Shapiro.

Ferb was out, but he wasn't after blood. That was quite obvious the moment Isabella walked up to him, but she still had to ask, "What are you doing out here?"

"Looking for the stupid bat who bit me."

"Huh?" Isabella was a tad confused.

"Just let me go."

"Uh, alright." So Ferb ran off and Isabella walked back to Phineas. She looked up at the sky and noticed the huge harvest moon. The _full_ harvest moon. At this very moment her father would be chained to his trees. But there was nothing to worry about. Everyone would be fine, yet she couldn't help but worry, tonight especially. When she got back she noticed Phineas was gone. She sniffed the air and smelled something awful. Something she hadn't smelled for years: Dog breath.

Phineas somehow escaped with only a scratch on his arm. What was that creature? Why was it trying to kill him? He still remembered his teeth and claws snatching at his throat. But all that didn't matter anymore. He was safe, his scratch easily covered with a Band-Aid (one of those dorky Hello Kitty ones. What was _that_ doing in his pocket?), and he had just made it to Isabella's house.

"Where the heck were you?!" came her greeting in a voice that practically shattered Phineas' ears.

Phineas stumbled over words, "Some sort of... thing carried me off and... I... don't know..."

"Umm, okay..."

"So what happened to Ferb?"

"He's not looking for blood. Something about a bat."

"Alright, well, I guess we're done then."

"At two thiry in the morning?"

"Yep. Night!"

"Goodnight, Phineas," had Isabella not been head-over-heels for Phineas, she would probably have killed him for keeping her up that long.

**A/N: I know, you didn't see the actual Phineas-turns-into-a-werewolf part, but I really wanted to wait for that. It needs to be a complete surprise. And Sarah? Everyone knew from the beginning of the story that Phineas was going to become a werewolf! There was nothing to give away! Oh, and one last thing, yes, a werewolf scratch is what makes a new werewolf. We're probably lucky Isabella isn't a werewolf... That would be bad... Anyway, bye!**


	7. Werewolf Vs Vampire? NOT Twilight? How?

**A/N: I'm back! Did you miss me? Anyway, here's the next chapter.**

Where was that infernal bat? Ferb had been looking for it for an hour. It couldn't have gotten too far away. Then, out of the blue, a horrid black creature with zig-zagged wings and terrible claws swooped out of the air and landed on Ferb's shoulder. "There you are..."

Then in an odd course of action, the bat transformed into the Author. "Hey Ferb," was her nonchalant greeting.

"Oh my dear gosh, no! Not you again!" Ferb smacked himself in the face for being so idiotic. The Author was the antagonist, that meant the bat _had _to be on her side. But nothing could possibly prepare him for the fact that the Author was the bat himself (Or herself, he corrected).

"Oh good, you're afraid of me. That's just the effect I was hoping for! But quick before I actually speak with you I'd like to ask my readers to review more!"

"Um, can't you do that in the Author's Note?" Ferb seemed confused.

"Well yeah, but most people don't read them. Anyway, time to cut to the chase. Doom is near, et cetera, et cetera," the Author replied.

"Um, okay... Is that all?"

"Well, I created a pretty cool plot twist, at least you can give me that!"

"Oh yes!" Ferb said sarcastically, "Just wonderful! Can I leave now?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Alright."

"Okay, I'm out of interesting stuff. I'm gonna skip to the next good part."

* * *

Vampire? Check. Ferb had been a vampire for more than a month now. It had been a pretty rough time. He remembered Thanksgiving, which he had to miss so as not to draw suspicion. He only showed up at school for tests and exams, and even when he was there, he had to wear an over-sized hoodie so that no one would notice his monstrous eyes and teeth.

Now the real question to be asked was why there was the scent of werewolves in the air. Ferb didn't even know how he recognized the scent, he had never seen nor smelled a werewolf before. Perhaps it was in his blood, or lack of blood since he didn't have any. Yet every day since the moon had showed again the scent got stronger and stronger.

Even in his own room! He swore the scent was coming from Phineas' bed. But how was that possible? Phineas was hardly the jerky kick-butt shirtless werewolf type! It couldn't be him. But what else could it be? Phineas' werewolf girlfriend? No, ew, that's disgusting. Buford? That wouldn't surprise him too much, but it somehow seemed improbable. In fact, all evidence brought him back to his beloved step-brother. And that, he assumed, could go back even farther. The Author was at fault. There was no other explanation.

Then on the next full moon, in late November, it happened. Phineas had been at a football practice (for those from Britain, this is American Football), when suddenly he felt sick. Not like cough/sniffle sick, closer to mono or pneumonia or something horrible like that. After telling his coach in a slurred, drunken tone, he slowly staggered off the field in a somewhat mindless manner. He ran into the nearby woods, which ironically was where Ferb was looking for late-night hikers to drink.

Then Ferb saw it. He couldn't believe it, but he saw it. There was a wolf with ginger hair right in front of him. And there was no doubt in his mind that this was definitely Phineas.

_Bad_. Phineas sensed _bad_. He couldn't exactly think human thoughts, but could comprehend things just the same. _Bad. Bad. Bad._ In fact, that's what he was reduced to. Primitive thoughts that translated into single words. _Bad. Bad. Bad_. Then '_bad_' turned into '_angry_'. He was angry now. He growled. _Angry. Angry_. He pounced, kicked, jumped, scratched. _Angry._

Ferb hadn't ever had to fight his brother, especially not as a werewolf. Especially, especially not when he was struggling to hang onto the last of his sanity. If he took one step in the wrong direction, instinct would take over. He would have to sit through this until morning, if at all possible. It was torture. Every single moment. And then, at one point, he drifted off and gave in.

Ferb scratched at the horrible wolf. Phineas, after howling in pain, attempted to bite Ferb's finger off, which ended in failure and a punch in the muzzle. Yelping in pain, the canis lupus sprinted away from the predator.

Ferb then looked at the blood on his hands in confusion. He hadn't drank anyone, he would remember blood if he had. And this blood was putrid dog blood, which meant- Phineas! Ferb had fought Phineas. And he didn't even remember doing it.

In the morning, Phineas awoke dazed and shirtless, which wasn't that desirable in mid-December. Slowly, he gained consciousness and memory of the night before. He was a werewolf. A vampire-fighting werewolf. Or, in this case, a Ferb the Vampire-fighting werewolf. Mulling over his realizations, he muttered, "Well that can't be good."

**A/N: In case you didn't get the message, I'd just like to tell you that I have exactly one consistent reviewer. If you find that at all sad, could you please type _something_ into that little box below the chapter? You don't even have to have a FF account, I accept Guest Reviews too! Bye!**


	8. Transformation Three: Anti-Climacticity

**A/N: Alright, time to respond to reviewers. Alright, first, to Kat. The Ferb as a vampire idea actually came from my reading of other PnF vampire fan fictions. I noticed that every single one of them included Phineas as a vampire, and I thought that was a little OOC. I can't really see an optimistic ginger as a bloodthirsty vampire. It doesn't work. So I had Ferb be the vampire. Response to Gigigue, or Sarah as I prefer to call her, yeah, if you're suddenly a wolf, some form of clothing's gonna come off. I didn't really want to envision Phineas without pants, so I made him topless. It's a little better. So there. And about the Twilight bits, yeah, I'm aware. Don't worry. I'm trying to fix it, but truthfully, the vampire is gonna fight the werewolf occasionally. It's unavoidable. Now the next chapter:**

Isabella had no idea where she was when she woke up, which left an uneasy feeling. She had went to sleep in her room, but now she was in a messy, purple room with almost no resemblance to her own. Suddenly, an auburn-haired girl with an evil grin on her face walked in. "Aha! My next victim!"

"Third? What? Who are you?" asked Isabella frantically.

"Well, I made Ferb a vampire, and now I'm going to turn you into a monster too," she replied with an evil smile.

"What?! I'm gonna be a vampire too?!"

"No, you're going to turn you into a witch! That's much better!"

"Are you kidding me? You're going to turn me into a green-skinned, insane witch?"

"Well, actually, real witches aren't like that at all. See?" The girl then walked over to Isabella and tapped her on the head. "Now you're a witch!"

"Uh, no, I'm not."

"Sure you are! Here, if you don't believe me... um... Try flying, I guess."

"Alright...?" Isabella was unsure what to do, so she just thought the word 'fly'. Suddenly she skyrocketed upward. Then when she saw that she was about to crack her head on the ceiling, she yelled, "Stop. Stop! STOP!" And she stopped and floated, head barely an inch from destruction.

"So?" The girl said, "You convinced?"

"Who. The heck. Are you?!"

"I'm the Author!"

"The what?"

"The Author! I'm writing this story!"

"Okay, you're insane," Isabella rolled her eyes and willed herself back down to her bed.

"You can think that if you want, but like it or not, you're a witch!"

"Umm, wouldn't you mean magician or superhero or something? I mean, witches have brooms and wands and stuff, right?"

"Well, since I control the story, I decide what witches are. So ha!" The Author folded her arms tightly across her waist, "And now you're going to wake up in your house, think this is all a dream for about a minute or so, then prove yourself wrong."

Suddenly Isabella woke up in her house. "Phew, it was all just a dream."

**A/N: Yeah, a bit of repetition at the end there, but I really don't care. And about the whole 'you said you'd update yesterday!' thing, yeah, I was busy. So there. Bye!**


	9. Candace's Return

**A/N: Sweetness. Yeah, so Izzy's officially a witch. I suppose I have enough comments to respond again. Alright, first, Skypan, I cracked up at the phrase 'time of month' because of the truth of the statement. That was pretty bad, but, um, yeah, it's kinda true. You'll see later. I mean, no! NO! Not like THAT! But, uh... I'm over explaining this. Never mind. Second, FanficChic2, yeah, shirtless Phineas. Somehow that sounds a little anticlimactic. Phineas isn't exactly the most muscular person on the planet... Lastly, LadyPhoenix07, that idea actually sounds sort of cool. I have a different idea for Isabella though. Here's the next chapter!**

Candace Flynn had spent three hours in an airplane and was beyond ready to leave so her Christmas vacation could officially commence. She was a senior in college and as such had been beyond loaded with work all semester. She, despite typically trying to get her brothers in trouble, ran directly upstairs to meet her brothers when she got home. She was about to walk into their room when she heard some sort of arguing from inside the room. _Arguing? That word wasn't in their vocabulary!_

Of course, she eavesdropped, thinking it was some typical argument that any two brothers would have. Boy, was she wrong.

"Look, you're not chaining me to a tree once a month. If anyone should be chained up, it's you! You're dangerous every day of the month! You've already killed people!" she heard Phineas say. Killed? Ferb had killed? They were arguing about being chained to a tree? What was going on?

"And you want to follow my lead? Go on, kill people, see how it feels. At least vampires don't feel guilt!" Ferb's words echoed in her brain.

Vampire. Ferb was a vampire. And Phineas was- what? She knew she could figure this out. Once a month, chained to a tree, dangerous- oh gosh! Werewolf!

"Great, my brother's a mindless killer. Just wonderful."

"Hey, it's not mindless! It's just guiltless, and- uh..."

"Mindless," Phineas interrupted, "You can't feel any empathy or sense of mercy for anyone any more."

"Can you shut up?!"

"Apparently not!" Phineas yelled.

Then they both fell silent.

"Human. There's a human right outside the door."

"What, Mom?"

"No, not Mom, no one I've seen since I became a vampire. Wait-"

"Candace!" Phineas interrupted, rushing toward the door. When he opened it, sure enough they both saw Candace, with a rather frightened look on her face.

"What the- Who the- How the- Wait..." Candace got a suspicious look on her face, "You're just tricking me, aren't you?"

Then Ferb removed the hood of his sweatshirt to reveal a pale, bloodless face with vicious fangs and scarlet eyes. "Is that enough evidence?" he asked in a rather bored tone.

Before Candace could run downstairs and continue with the typical drill involving her mother, Phineas interrupted, "Candace, as much as I know you'd love to go downstairs and call Mom up, you can't this time. Please, she'll freak out. Ferb's hood has been up for the last two months; we're not going to give our parents a mental breakdown."

Candace's hand remained on the doorknob for a moment as she contemplate this. Then, calming herself, she said, "So... You didn't do this yourselves?"

Phineas raised an eyebrow, "What?! Of course not! You think Ferb likes being a hopeless mosquito?!"

"Hey!" Ferb interrupted.

"Alright, then how did it happen? It's not like you were hit by some 'Monster-Inator' or something, is it?"

"As far as we know, no; Ferb got bit by a vampire bat and I got scratched on the arm by a werewolf, or at least that's what I _think _that monster is."

"Huh," Candace had officially heard too much. This was not happening; not happening. She ran downstairs, but this time her goal was not to bust her brothers. She sprinted into the basement, crawled down the ladder, and finally descended into _The Panic Room_.

Upstairs, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher didn't seem surprised, "Huh, ten minutes and she's already in _The Panic Room_. I think that's a new record."

**A****/N: Yeah, so Candace knows. Some Christmas vacation SHE's having. Bye!**


	10. A Reunion With The Panic Room

**A/N: Sorry I left you on a cliffhanger like that. But here's the next chapter, anyway...**

"What the- Who the- How the- Wait..." Candace got a suspicious look on her face, "You're just tricking me, aren't you?"

Then Ferb removed the hood of his sweatshirt to reveal a pale, bloodless face with vicious fangs and scarlet eyes. "Is that enough evidence?" he asked in a rather bored tone.

Before Candace could run downstairs and continue with the typical drill involving her mother, Phineas interrupted, "Candace, as much as I know you'd love to go downstairs and call Mom up, you can't this time. Please, she'll freak out. Ferb's hood has been up for the last two months; we're not going to give our parents a mental breakdown."

Candace's hand remained on the doorknob for a moment as she contemplate this. Then, calming herself, she said, "So... You didn't do this yourselves?"

Phineas raised an eyebrow, "What?! Of course not! You think Ferb likes being a hopeless mosquito-?"

"Hey!" Ferb interrupted.

"Alright, then how did it happen? It's not like you were hit by some Monster-Inator or something, is it?"

"As far as we know, no; Ferb got bit by a vampire bat and I got scratched on the arm by a werewolf, or at least that's what I _think _that monster is."

"Huh," Candace had officially heard too much. This was not happening; not happening. She ran downstairs, but this time her goal was not to bust her brothers. She sprinted into the basement, crawled down the ladder, and finally descended into The Panic Room.

Upstairs, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher didn't seem surprised, "Huh, ten minutes and she's already in The Panic Room. I think that's a new record."

**A/N: That's right. Candace is freaking out. This won't be the last time either, as you'll notice this next chapter.**


	11. In Event Of Emergency

**A/N: Sorry this took so long; I really need to study for my algebra midterm. Sorry. Anyway, I have a few spare moments now, so here's the next installment.**

After Candace's short-lived reunion with her childhood room of stress-relief, Candace finally calmed down enough to go back to her brothers' room, in which they were again arguing. "...What, so suddenly it's _my _fault that I 'look too scary', as you put it?" he said, putting air quotes to good use.

"Well, you didn't have to pull your hood down, I mean, what was your logic there?"

"Yes, rather than the efficiency of pulling my hood down then and there, we debate with her for hours until she has somewhat reasonable idea of what we are? That's a great idea!" Ferb commented sarcastically.

Then Candace interrupted, "Can you two shut up?!" after which they finally acknowledged that she was in the room.

"Oh! Candace, I uhh..." Phineas tried to look for a reasonable thing to say.

"Alright, I admit, it's a little odd to see my brothers as monsters- (er, no offense) but what really surprises me is that you two are arguing like crazy! I mean, when was the last time you've argued before you guys changed?

They thought for a moment.

"Never, am I wrong?" Candace broke the silence, "I mean, I guess you could kind of count that geek convention six years back but..."

"Naw, that was all Buford and Baljeet," Phineas corrected, "But I catch your drift."

"Then don't you two have the ability to stop?"

Phineas looked at Ferb. Ferb returned the glare with a red-eyed stare. Then they both turned to Candace.

"Alright," said Phineas.

"Alright, one last piece of business. Ferb, why are you talking so much?"

"That's kind of been a thing of his ever since you left for college this past year," Phineas replied while Ferb just shrugged.

"Alright then, I suppose it's not the oddest thing I've seen this past hour. I guess I'll unpack and leave you two alone," Candace remarked. She then walked out of the room.

"You know, she has a point Ferb, you _have_ been acting out-of-character lately. Anyway, I guess..." Then Phineas looked up at Ferb to see a strained expression, Ferb not so much as breathing (of course, Phineas remembered, vampires don't exactly _need_ to breathe unless they wanted to talk). Then, suddenly, he remembered the meaning of that expression. At first he thought that Ferb's target was him, then he recalled his sudden onslaught of monstrosity that left his blood smelling like a dog's. No, Ferb was not after his blood. But this only made him panic more, because it could only mean one thing: Ferb was going after Candace's blood.

Slowly, calmly, Ferb rose. He started walking as if in a trance out of the room, only to be thwarted by Phineas. Anger rushed through his veins; he would not be kept from blood by some putrid mutt. He lurched toward the door, but all he found there was a flash of red hair and a punch in the stomach that was obviously not given by a human.

Phineas had no idea what the heck he was doing. It seemed pretty reckless just running up to some bloodthirsty demon and trying to knock him out. Especially when he had no experience with actual fighting. He decided that since vampire-fighting wasn't exactly his strong suit (well, unless it happened to be the right time of month), he should probably try something he had more experience with: appealing to people's better nature.

He tried to think his way through this, '_Alright, so I know Ferb's got to be in there _somewhere_. Perhaps if I shut him up in here long enough I can talk him back to, uh... Ferbness, I guess...'_ So, going through with his plan, Phineas tangled his way around Ferb and locked the door. Then he tried, keeping in front of the door, to talk Ferb into sitting down on his bed- er, coffin. "Sit down right there and I'll go get her, okay?"

Ferb responded with a growl that probably meant something along the lines of "Really? Since when do I take orders from you?"

"Look, if you'd just sit down," Phineas said whilst gently pushing Ferb toward his coffin, "She'll be right here." He knew it wasn't going to work; even though Ferb was in animal mode, he wasn't an idiot.

"You're talking to me like I'm five! Now let me go before I behead you!"

"Do you even know who you're talking to?" Phineas asked. It was a longshot, but perhaps it would work. Perhaps.

"An idiotic, flea-ridden little creature!"

Phineas bit back what was going to be a rather rude comeback and instead said, "No Ferb, it's Phineas. Don't you remember me?"

Ferb seemed to contemplate this for a minute or so, then the strained expression turned into one of confusion. He mumbled in a barely audible voice, "Phineas?"

"Yeah?"

"What the heck just happened?"

"Truth be told, you really don't wanna know. Just don't ask."

"No really Phineas, what just happened?"

"Well..."

**A/N: Was that long enough for you? Good. Anyway, see you!**


	12. Dog-Like Scent, Bat-Like Creature

**A/N: It's back up! Sorry, I accidentally deleted this and had to rewrite it. It's probably not as good as before, but here it is:**

_All just a dream. All just a dream..._ Isabella thought this to herself, and when she was calm enough, she tested it. _Fly._ And, to confirm her worst fears, she lurched upward toward the ceiling. "Darn," she said after stopping herself, "I'm still a freak."

And so she was, but at least she could be a freak to her benefit. She telekinetically got herself toast and jam, brushed her teeth, and got dressed.

Then she walked over to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard, which (since it was Christmas vacation) probably already had a plan for the day and a half-built invention. But, to her alarm, the yard was empty.

"Huh. They must be inside."

So, after knocking on the front door, Phineas answered right away. He, despite still being his typical energetic self, seemed a little more serious than last time, which was extremely odd to Isabella.

But she greeted him all the same, "Hey Phineas, whatcha dooin'?" she said in a vice that was only slightly more mature than when she was ten.

But Phineas, rather than answer Isabella, swiveled his head to face where Isabella assumed Ferb was. "Ferb? Is it safe?"

_Safe? He had to ask? Man, this campire thing is really getting out of hand!_

But luckily, to her relief, Ferb answered, "Of course it is!"

So Phineas led Isabella into the living room, which had the curtains down and the lights off, which gave it a depressing aura she had never seen in the Flynn-Fletcher house before.

"Wow, this place looks like a vampire's lived here!" Isabella laughed.

Phineas seemed a little skeptical, "Ferb, you sure you want another human in here? I mean, yesterday you almost killed Candace!"

"But she _isn't_ human!" Ferb exclaimed.

Suddenly, all the relief Isabella had dripped away, "How could you tell?" she asked in a surprised tone.

"Wait! Izzy is... What?"

Ferb chose to answer Isabella rather than Phineas, "I can smell your blood."

"Wait, what is she?!" Phineas wrinkled his nose.

"Look, all because I'm not human doesn't mean-"

"She's a witch."

_Man, does Ferb know_ _everything__?_ "And you can tell what I am, too? How is that even possible?"

"Vampire," Ferb responded as if that one word was the answer to everything.

"Oh, well that didn't sound self-centered at all!" Isabella remarked in a rather sarcastic manner.

Ferb looked like he was about to laugh, "Look here, Isabella, with the fact that I've killed hundreds of people without the slightest feeling of guilt-"

"So you admit to being a mindless killer?" Phineas smirked.

"No! I just, er... Never mind whether or not it's mindless. My point is, with all the horrible things I've been doing, this isn't much of an advantage."

"You mean you don't feel any sympathy at all? If you killed Phineas (for example) right now, you wouldn't even care?" Isabella was taken aback.

"That's not true! Well, maybe, umm... I don't know!"

"That a comforting thought," Phineas laughed nervously.

"Personally," Ferb changed the subject, "you should probably just be glad you're not a werewolf."

Isabella raised an eyebrow. _Werewolf?_ "And why is that?"

"I've had an... encounter... It wasn't too pleasant."

_Encounter? Werewolf?_

But there was only one werewolf in the entire Tri-State Area!

Mr. Shapiro. Isabella's dad.

She shuddered. This was bad.

Phineas, noticing Isabella's gloomy expression, asked, "Iz? You alright?"

"Yeah, just... Just thinking. Wait, didn't Ferb dress up as a vampire at that Halloween party a few months back? And wasn't I a witch?"

"Huh," Phineas replied, "you're right... Maybe there's some sort of connection there..."

And with that, Ferb started laughing.

"What?" asked Isabella.

"Wouldn't that mean," Ferb smiled, "that Baljeet is going to turn into Britney Spears?"

And with that, the topic was dropped, and Ferb went blood-hunting.

**A/N: That work? Yeah, it's a bit different from the original, but all the main plot points are covered. Anyway, see you guys later! Bye!**


	13. An Overnight Hike

**A/N: Hi guys! I'm back, and I've got Phinabella, a decently-sized chapter, and a sick day! Yay! Well, for all of those except the sick day, that is. Anyway, I shouldn't keep you in suspense with a long Author's Note. Here's the chapter:**

_What to do today... What to do today..._

With Ferb gone, the answer to that was 'nothing', which didn't really go over well with Phineas. He remembered the previous times he hadn't been able to build: stranded on a beach (_yeah, that was pretty bad_), mountain-climbing with Baljeet (_I was absolutely delirious!_). Neither of them were too pleasant, and he was beginning to have that same feeling again. Despite the fact that he typically came up with the ideas, Ferb did almost all of the building, and without him, there was no invention.

"Phineas? You alright? You've kinda been sitting there for ten minutes!" Isabella interrupted his thought.

"Oh! Yeah, I'm-er... I'll be fine!" he replied in a restless tone.

"Well, are you going to keep sitting there, or are we actually going to do something?"

"That's exactly the problem. Isabella, I don't know what we're going to do today!"

"Well, if you can't invent, why don't we do something else?"

Phineas gave her a confused look, "Like what?"

"I don't know, aren't you the 'Idea Guy'?" Isabella shrugged.

Truthfully, Phineas couldn't think straight at the moment. Along with the anxiety he already had from boredom, he couldn't shake a certain thought from his head. _It's tonight. It's coming tonight._

He decided that talking might take his mind off of things, so he brought up a topic that he was still curious about, "Isabella, do you think you could tell me about your dad?"

Isabella stared at the ground, "You wouldn't believe me."

Phineas snorted, "Iz, my brother's a vampire, you're a witch, and I'm- uh... Never mind. Anyway, I've seen plenty of odd things in the past couple of months. I think I'll be able to handle this."

"You sure?"

"Absolutely certain."

"He's a werewolf."

"WHAT?!" Phineas' eyes widened. _You've got to be kidding me._

"See? See?!"

"No, it's not that I don't believe you, it's just that- Oh gosh!"

"Look, it's even worse than you think. He's the only werewolf in the Tri-State Area! Do you know what that means?!"

"Uh... What?" Phineas almost laughed. _Except me._

"Oh come on! You're really _that _oblivious? It means that _he's _the one that Ferb saw!"

"Oh, you're right..." Phineas scratched his ear.

Isabella picked up on the hint right away. "Phineas, did you just lie?"

"How could you tell?"

"Never mind that. Phineas, is there another werewolf?"

"Maaaybe..."

"Who?!"

Phineas paused for a moment. _She'll be able to tell if I'm lying..._ "Isabella, what time is it?"

She looked at her watch, "About 4:30."

"Follow me. I'll show you who the other werewolf is."

"Um, alright."

Phineas thought it through as much as he could, _Alright, it's late December, so the sun'll set a bit past six... That's probably enough time..._

And so, after a short call to ask her mom for permission to spend the night, Isabella followed Phineas into the woods, which were ice-cold and covered in snow. Every once in a while she'd ask where they were going, but Phineas would just respond, "Don't worry about it. We're almost there."

And then, after about an hour and a half of hiking, they were there. "Umm, why here?" It looked like everywhere else in the woods.

"Because we're out of time," Phineas replied. He looked at the setting sun. _It's almost time. It's almost here._

"Well, where's the werewolf?" Isabella questioned.

"You'll see."

"Do you think you could at least tell me who it is?"

"Guess," Phineas smirked.

"Uhh, Buford?"

"Nope." Phineas looked at the sun. _Two minutes left._

"Do I know him?"

"Yeah..."

"Uh, Baljeet?"

"Riiiiight!"

"You know, it could be. No one except Ferb would be able to tell until after the second transformation."

_What?! _"Why the second?!" _One minute left._

"Why is this so important to you?"

_Forty-five seconds. _"It's someone both of us know really, really well."

"Who?!"

_Twenty seconds. _"Didn't I tell you to guess?!"

"I give up! Tell me!"

_Ten, nine, eight, _"I'm not sure I want to."

"Why not?"

_Five, four, three, _"It's me."

"What?!"

"It's me!" _One, zero._

And then it happened. In the blink of an eye, Phineas was replaced by a wolf.

"Ph- Ph- Phineas?!"

_Witch, _he thought, _Witch bad._

He lunged toward her.

"Phineas, stop!"

_Stop? Why?_

"Phineas, it's me. It's Isabella!"

_Isabella? No!_

"Don't you remember me?"

_Yes. Yes, I do._

And then he stopped. _Isabella..._

"There. Good boy."

_Isabella. Isabella good._ He slowly walked toward her and put his paw on her hand as if to say, _'Lie down.'_

So she laid down next to him and went to sleep. After a while, she felt a paw on her shoulder that probably meant _'I'm lonely.'_

So Isabella kept the wolf company. She figured out that she could ask him 'Yes' or 'No' questions fairly easily, and that worked for a while.

"Do you like being a werewolf?"

_No!_

"I figured you'd say that." She thought for a bit. "Wait a minute, are you going to remember any of this in the morning?"

Phineas was about to answer _'Yes'_, but out of curiosity, he shook his head. _What'll she tell me now?_

"Really?"

_Yes._

"Well, in that case, I guess I can tell you anything, huh?"

_Uh-huh._

"Did you know that I like you?"

_Uh, duh!_

"No, really! Like," she blushed, "Love you?"

And if it was even possible, Phineas blushed. _No, I didn't know that._

"Well, uh, if you don't mind my asking, do you like me?"

The expression the wolf gave was one of confusion. _Never really thought about it. But now that you mention it... Maybe..._

"Really?"

_Yeah..._

"Man, I wish you'd be able to remember this in the morning."

Then he shook his head.

"No?"

After a while he finally got the message through. _I will remember this. I lied to you._

And for the third time that night, Isabella said, "Really?!"

_Yup._

"That's great!" She checked her phone for the time. 6:45. "Wow, I've really been out here all night?"

"In fact you have."

"Wait, Phineas?" Then she saw it. The sun had just peaked over the horizon. Phineas was human once more.

"Yeah?

"I love you," and then she kissed him.

**A/N: Oh dear, that ending was cheesy. Well I've finally done it. I made a chapter over one thousand words long. You should congratulate me. And I just updated yesterday! Oh yeah! Win! Anyway, I know that about fifty people saw my last chapter, and only one person reviewed, so... Do that. In fact, I'll even bribe you! That's right! I'm not updating until I get five reviews or Mortality related PMs. So ha! That'll show ya! Anyway, see you sooner or later (depending on how fast you review my story)!_  
_**


	14. Return of the Punk

**A/N: Somebody kill me. Please. I just lost. A freakin'. Chapter. If you'll notice, the Isabella/Witch chapter (I already forgot the name of it because I'm an idiot!) is missing completely. I'm sorry for this inconvenience. Anyway, here we go...**

Coasting down the street on her new motorbike, brown hair soaring behind her. Her leather jacket, jeans and combat boots were all the same shade of deep black. The smile on her face was one of mischief. Ferb recognized her right away. She was as brilliant as he remembered. She was...

Vanessa.

He couldn't quite bring himself to greet her; not as a vampire. What was he supposed to say? "Hey Vanessa, it's me, Ferb! Yeah, I've kind of turned into a bloodsucking demon that endangers the life of everyone around me! Isn't that brilliant?" That'd work _wonderfully_. Personally, he didn't even know if he could approach Vanessa without going all 'evil-psychopathic-vampire-killer' on her. And that wouldn't be good.

Ferb sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought. After some thought, he realized that hiding in an alleyway was getting him nowhere and that it would probably be better if he just tried talking to her like a normal person. If that was even possible.

He stepped out to see her, soon after realizing that she was gone. _Oh, right. She was on a motorbike..._ Ferb put his face to his palm. _Well, where's she off to? Perhaps I can catch up with her._ But, of course, the answer was obvious. She had probably just come back from some college in some place, and was most likely going to stay with her father in his oddly-shaped apartment building.

So he ran twenty blocks (vampire, remember?) and managed to catch up with Vanessa, but he still hid behind the corner. _Why can't I do this?_

"Boo!" a voice behind Ferb suddenly yelled, making him jump.

Then he saw who it was. "Aw, you again?"

The Author laughed, "Yup. I felt like I needed to make another appearance, you know, proof that I still exist, so I forced you to not see Vanessa yet."

"Alright, so... May I go inside now?"

"Yes, yes you can."

So Ferb walked into Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. to meet his longtime crush, Vanessa.

Then the Author looked directly at her audience, "Well, what are you waiting for? Don't you wanna see the Ferbnessa fluff?! Come on, you know you ship it! I mean, everyone ships Ferbnessa! Even _me_, and I ship Ferbella! That's right, so go on, go see what they're doing!"

After a minute of tapping her foot, she started losing her patience, "Do you even know how to get there? No? Seriously? Do you even _watch_ Phineas and Ferb?! I mean, really!" The Author walked up to the door and pulled on the handle, but (since it was locked) it didn't budge.

"Oh."

She blushed, realizing that her audience probably thought she was an idiot. "Well then, I'll just transport you to-"

Then, almost humorously (alright, extremely humorously), the door opened right into the Author, knocking her out of the view of Ferb and Vanessa, who were hand in hand and seemed to be somewhere between arguing and asking each other out.

"Wait, you _want _to be a vampire?!" Ferb's scarlet eyes widened.

"Yeah, I think it'd be pretty sweet. What do you think?" Vanessa looked at Ferb, "You would know."

"_Sweet?_ Well, I suppose you _are _the dauther of an evil scientist," he rolled his eyes.

"Yes, yes I am. You don't think it's too much like Early Evening, do you?"

"Are you joking? We're practically plagiarizing the script!" Ferb laughed.

"That's not true!"

"Come on. Two 'moody outcasts' (and yes, I took that directly from the movie) who are in lov- I mean, er..." His face would have gone completely red at this point had he had any blood, "The girl wants the guy to turn her into a vampire."

"I don't know which of those sentences were better," Vanessa smiled, "the one you said or the one you almost said."

Ferb gave an awkward, uncomfortable laugh, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That depends, was the word 'love'?"

Ferb was silent for a bit.

"And you went quiet on me again."

"Yup."

"I'm gonna have to be the one to ask, aren't I?"

"Yup," Ferb ignored Vanessa's grammar.

"Fine. Wanna go out some time?"

"You mean on a date, right?"

"Uh, duh!" Vanessa rolled her eyes.

"And we're not going to pay attention to the age gap?"

"We're not even going to mention it."

Ferb smiled, "Too late."

Vanessa laughed, "You know, nobody would've noticed had you not pointed it out."

"I know."

"So, Friday night?"

"It _is _Friday night."

"I know."

"Alright, sure. That works."

"Cool."

"So, the Author just decided to stop keeping track of who's talking?"

"Yup, and it's probably really confusing too, since she writes us both with almost the same tone."

"Yup."

"Yup."

**A/N: Internet pies to anyone who kept track of who was talking. Oh, and I was told by one of my friends that the 'five reviews or else' technique was used by the author of the fanfiction abomination My Immortal (the title of this story hardly deserves to be formatted like a normal story). I'm not using that threat again... Heh heh... Anyway, I still appreciate reviews, so review! Please! Thank you!**


	15. A Date? What?

**A/N: Another day, another chapter! Well, that sounded corny... Anyway, more chapterness and stuff! Wait, what the heck did I just type? Oh, who cares, just read:**

In the alleyway, full of scarlet blood.

Blood.

Here we go again with the blood!

Blood.

Why must this always happen? Why did he need to be a bloodsucking vampire?

Blood.

_Blood._

Holding to the last of his sanity he looked around. Would anyone notice if he drank this human's blood?

Blood!

He saw no one. He was safe. But the blood-filled human was not.

BLOOD!

Ferb ran toward his prey, who (little did he know) was Buford Van Stomm. When the vampire caught up with him, Ferb grabbed Buford's arm and swiveled him around toward him. Ferb stared at Buford.

Buford stared at Ferb.

And, with a slap in the face, Ferb was brought back to sanity. "Ow! How is that even possible?"

"Why wouldn't it be possible?" Buford asked.

"I'm a vampire, you shouldn't be physically capable of hurting me!" Ferb replied, "How is that fair?"

"Fair? I'm never fair. But you know that I'm pretty strong."

"You have a point," Ferb remarked, "But, I mean... Oh, never mind. Personally, I'm just glad I didn't kill you."

"Are you joking? That'd be awesome! I mean, I'd get to be a vampire!" Buford smiled.

"No. You'd just die."

"Oh. That's not nearly as awesome," Buford said in a tone between joking and seriousness.

"So..." Ferb wasn't sure what else to say. He had been trying to talk more lately, but he couldn't will words to come out of his mouth at the moment. He had too much on his mind.

"So what?"

"What are you doing out here, anyway?" Ferb tried to change the subject (that is to say, come up with a subject).

"None of your business. 'Jeet and I had something to do. I should be asking you the same thing."

"I had a date," Ferb said matter-of-factly.

Buford looked at him, wide-eyed. "A date? With who?"

"Vanessa Doofenshmirtz."

"Wait, Vanessa..." Buford tried to figure out who she was.

"The girl who fell on our airplane when we were circumnavigating the globe."

"Oh! Huh, that's... Interesting..."

"What, because she's four years older than me or because she just happens to live in Danville?"

"Uh, both, I guess. Wait a minute, so Baljeet has Mishti, and now you have Vanessa? Are Phineas and I the only single ones left?"

Then, out of nowhere, Phineas ran up to them. "Guess what?!"

"You're a werewolf?" Ferb asked.

"No! Well, yes, but that's not what I mean! I've got a date tomorrow!"

"Uh, not to be redundant or anything, but... A date? With who?" Buford sounded alarmed.

"Isabella!"

"Whoa, how did that happen?" Ferb asked.

Phineas blushed, "She kinda saw me as a werewolf..."

Buford whistled. "Man, six years of batting her eyes and that's all it took?"

"Yeah. Wait, six years?"

"She didn't tell you that?" questioned Ferb.

"Guess not... I mean, I knew it was a while, but six years?! How freaking oblivious am I?"

"One question we've all been asking ourselves for the past six years, and Phineas of all people is the first to vocalize it."

**A/N: Yeah, that took WAY too long. Sorry. I couldn't do Buford in character, so it took FOREVER! Again, sorry. Next chapter up at some point!**


	16. Questions To Be Answered

**A/N: Yeah, so I got NO reviews... I don't really know where to start... Or, you know, write, I guess... So, uh... Yeah... See, if I have reviews, I see what my followers are interested in and what the heck I should change, and since I have none, I draw a blank. Joy. Any way to fix that? Oh, what is that? You can review? What?! But that thought... It's just so unorthodox... I mean, it's just _impossible_ that anyone could actually _review _my story! *rolls eyes in a manner that is simply dripping with sarcasm* Alright, so I can't start the ending sequence yet (there isn't enough spacing between the last set of major plot points) so just enjoy this crappy filler junk. This will probably cover a long enough period of time for the ending to make sense, which would bring the total number of chapters left in this story to about... Oh, I'd say about six or so. Counting this next one. So, here we go:**

The next few months were as uneventful as they could possibly be, given the circumstances. Truthfully, the Author didn't wish to put much in detail, so it ended up being a touch... Well, vague. The major happenings really aren't too major, so they will be summarized right now:

First, the dates I didn't include in the last few chapters. The reason for leaving them out could be stated in two words: Too fluffy. Bunch of stupid "I love you" crap, a bunch about Phineas' obliviousness, and quite a bit of silence from Ferb and Vanessa. It didn't make sense to put it right next to tons of death-themed chapters, so they were left out.

Next, a few questions you may have:

One of them might be, "Wait, you said Ferb and Buford are eighteen. Doesn't that mean graduation's coming up?"

Yes, yes it did. And neither of them went. Danville High School holds their graduation outside in the sun, which means Ferb can't show up. And Buford? With his grades, he's hopeless. So no giant graduation scene. Sorry. But, if you remember, Phin and Izzy and 'Jeet are all sixteen (sophomores), so I might do something with them in the third book (each book is a year).

Another is probably, "So, about the whole vampire/werewolf thing. Is that gonna keep happening after Phinabella and Ferbnessa starts up?"

Eh, not so much. Phineas went to Ferb for romance advice a couple of times, and Ferb and Izzy finally got Phineas to chain himself up once a month, but no arguing. That's probably _good_ news, though.

Next, "Baljeet's transformation?"

Oh, you shall see... That doesn't happen until summer, though.

"Does Vanessa know about the Monster-Inator?"

No spoilers! Actually, wait, that _does_ come up in these next few months. Yeah. Okay, so Vanessa knows, but Ferb doesn't because Vanessa didn't tell him.

"Does Perry know?"

Yes, and it's scaring the crap out of him. Poor guy... Sadly, he can't blow his cover, or else he'll be relocated, and he can't tell Major Monogram, because that'd count as a failed mission, and he'd be fired. And that wouldn't be good.

"Is this turning into Twilight?"

Eh, I don't think so... The next book will lean in that direction, but this one isn't too bad. And even when I do add Twilight bits, I make sure to even it out with some parody (see that Ferbnessa chapter). You guys cool with that? I mean, it's not gonna get extreme. I dohave a bit of a love triangle, but it only covers two or three chapters and its sole purpose is to add some plot to a section of the second book that's a bit boring. It's hard to avoid looking Twilight-ish when you have two teenaged stepbrothers turning into werewolves and vampires, though. Just sayin'.

"Any other major plot points you missed?"

Um, well... I covered Phineas' getting chained up once a month, right? Yes, yes I did... Well, there's quite a bit of fluffiness in the area of Ferbnessa and Phinabella. Oh! I need to set up the beginning of summer! That's right! It goes something like this:

So, report cards got sent home, with good results from Baljeet and Isabella, okay results from Phineas, but that can be explained. It's hard to concentrate when you go insane once a month, and Phineas has something sort of like (and I know this is an absolutely _horrible_ comparison, bear with me here, I hate saying this) PMS. Closer it is to the full moon, more like a jerk he acts. Oh! That's another thing I missed! Yeah, Phineas got a bit... Edgy... Anyway, Ferb ended up dropping out due to low school attendance, and Buford's grades were, uh, not good.

Then, of course, summer started. Insert title sequence here.

Okay, another detail that you probably need to know: Okay, so Candace, Jeremy, and Vanessa are all in town for the summer. Jeremy is Candace's fiancé, which means that yes, there is Canderemy in this. Hope you guys like that couple.

That's pretty much it for now. Hope that wasn't too bad.

**A/N: Okay, I realize that chapter's bad enough that it probably had a lot of "no comment" reactions. No real plot, and the only point was to introduce Buford again. kinda stupid, I'll admit. Anyway, after this I'm starting the ending, which I already pre-wrote, so it should be up soon after some minor editing. Anyway, see ya!**


	17. Transformation Four: The Glowing Mirror

**A/N: Okay, I know for a fact that this is the chapter everyone's been waiting for. It probably should've been put up earlier, but I wanted to wait for a while. But it's here now, so rejoice! Yay! Anyway, here it is!**

It wasn't until then that everyone realized how odd eight people together at the mall looked, but they all had excuses.

Candace needed a new cell phone.

Izzy was looking for a new dress.

Ferb needed to get out more.

Jeremy came with Candace.

Vanessa was bored.

Phineas had inventor's block.

Buford came for the food.

And Baljeet got dragged along with them.

So there they were, the eight of them, walking through the Googolplex mall. It looked very interesting indeed. "So, where to first?" Ferb asked. His hoodie was pulled down so low no one could see his face, and everything he said sounded muffled. Luckily, he didn't talk all that much anyway.

"How about... Home?" asked Baljeet in a rather annoyed tone.

"You know, you didn't _h__ave_ to come, 'Jeet," Phineas pointed out.

"You kidding?" Baljeet replied, "Buford practically dragged me!"

"Buford..." Isabella rolled her eyes.

"What? You guys all brought someone, so I assumed you would break into pairs and I'd be left all alone in the mall!" Buford argued.

At that moment six faces turned bright red (well, five, but Ferb's would've been red had he had any blood).

"Oh," Phineas said.

"Oooh! Look at that mirror!" Baljeet suddenly seemed much more interested in this little shopping trip. Everyone turned to see Baljeet looking into an ordinary mirror, but they all noted something odd about him right away.

"Umm, Baljeet?"asked Candace, "you're glowing."

"I know, the effects of this mirror are amazing! I can't imagine the technology it took to make just the one looking into the mirror-"

"Yeah, that's not the mirror," Jeremy smiled. He took this rather well; he was used to odd, spontaneous things happening at haphazard moments in time.

"Gah!" Baljeet's eyes widened, "What the heck?!"

Then suddenly, Baljeet seemed to be melting. Steam rose in the air, his figure seemed to be shriveling, and shoppers looked horrified. Baljeet gave a shrill, terrifying scream.

"Hey, it's E flat above high C!" Phineas mused, somehow not disgusted by all of this. "We all know what that means!"

"Phineas, he's not wearing a Sunday bonnet. It doesn't count," Ferb noted.

Then it all stopped. The screaming, the shriveling, the steam. Baljeet lied on the floor unconscious, but he was no longer Baljeet. Nor was he a 'he'.

"Uh, Isabella?" Ferb's voice was filled with dread. "Yeah, you were right."

"Oh, ya think?!" Isabella said sarcastically.

Baljeet-turned-girly stood up, her ultra-white teeth sparkling as she smiled. With a troubled glance, everyone braced themselves for the worst.

Buford's eyes widened, "Whoa... Baljeet?"

"Baljeet?" replied the diva, "Who's that?"

"Oh, great, he even _thinks_ he's Britney Spears."

Meanwhile, Baljeet was in a world all his own, and a girl with curly red hair was staring him right in the face.

**A/N: There it is!**


	18. Brittany Tjinder, Teenaged Diva

**A/N: Anyone like that last chapter? I was pretty shocking, right? Okay, you know why I'm in a really good mood right now? Because this is the eighteenth chapter, which means that all the consistant reviewers from before the minimization of this story can review again! Gigigue, I'm talkin' to you specifically because I know you outside of Fanfiction, but anyone else, any other reviewers like Skypan, LadyPhoenix07, I know FanficChic2 reviewed on the original Chapter 17... Yeah, you guys can all review now! Yay!**

Suddenly, Baljeet, er, Britney, stood up. Her blue eyes were sparkling like sapphires and her long, blonde hair fell to her waist with wavy, wind blown grace. In other words, she was drop-dead sexy.

Buford gave a low whistle.

And the first angelic words to come out of the blondie's mouth were, "What the heck am I wearing?! Someone get me to a clothing store, ay-sap!"

Ferb moaned, "Argh, she even acts like Britney Spears!"

"Who's Britney Spears? I'm Brittany Tjinder, that would be spelled B-R-I-T-T-A-N-Y T-J-I-N-D-E-R. Now, one question. Who the heck are you guys? And why do you-" Brittany gestured to Ferb, whose hood had fallen down to his shoulders, "have green hair?"

Ferb winced. He hated that question. "Genetic mutation. It's supposed to be blonde, but, uh... Defect..."

"You're a mutant? Gross! Guess that'd explain the fangs, though."

"Oh, the fangs are a different story altogether," Phineas grinned.

"Shut up, Phin," Ferb gritted his teeth.

This was when Isabella wisely chose to suggest, "Why don't we talk about this at the Flynn-Fletcher's? I can bring over some of my clothes for you to wear, Brittany." That sounded pretty good, so while Vanessa, Buford, Jeremy, and Candace went home (well, Candace went to Jeremy's place), Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Brittany went to the Flynn-Fletcher residence after a quick stop at Isabella's to pick up literally every outfit she owned.

Isabella, expecting a diva-ish attitude, made sure to explain that she didn't exactly have a top notch sense of fashion, but even then, it took about three hours to find five decent outfits. For Phineas and Ferb, it was almost painful. A couple of times, Phineas angrily muttered a few words about girls and their fickle sense of fashion under his breath. This was typically followed by Ferb questioning Phineas' out-of-characterness. And that led to an argument, which always led to a haunting silence between the two until the cycle repeated.

Then came the supernatural monster talk. That was loads of fun. It consisted of some vampire stuff from Phineas, who was probably the worst person to possibly relay the details to anyone, especially Brittany. As Phineas recited statistics of Ferb's killings- "about thirty a week, mostly women between fifteen and thirty-", Brittany slowly backed away, suddenly seeing Ferb as a threat.

So, to get revenge, Ferb spoke of Phineas' curse, which sounded sinister and gave Isabella and Brittany chills, thanks to Ferb's deadly accent. "He goes completely mad, and we have to chain him up to make sure he doesn't kill anyone."

It was then that Isabella said, "Why don't we do this at my place, Britt? These two don't seem to be helping much." Then she added under her breath, "They might be a little useful if they could go five minutes without bickering..."

So Isabella and Brittany left, leaving Ferb rolling his eyes at Phineas' pathetic yet extremely compelling puppy-dog eyes, courtesy of his new wolffish features. "You can cut the crap, dude."

"Whaaa...?" Phineas' expression returned to one of normalcy.

"Stop with the freaking Bambi eyes! What are you, five?" Ferb growled.

"Bambi eyes? What the heck are you talking about?" Phineas made sure to add, "And you're certainly one to talk about eyes, Edward Cullen."

"Great, first Early Evening, now Twilight. Wait a minute... Aren't 'Early Evening' and 'Twilight' synonyms?"

And for the first time in quite a while, Phineas laughed at Ferb's joke. "Huh. You're right. And Candace just happens to like both of them."

"And us. That makes three melodramatic romances with vampires and werewolves battling against each other. Go figure."

"I wouldn't call it 'battling'. I'd just call it 'squabbling'," Phineas gave a lopsided smirk.

"Says the one who almost killed me when I tried to tie him up for his own safety not one month ago." Ferb stared at ground.

"Killed you? It wasn't that bad, was it? I mean, aren't you already technically dead?" Phineas' eyes widened in fear.

"I'm not dead! And yes, you very nearly killed me. You know that driving a stakes through a vampires kills them, right?"

"I drove a stake through you? I don't remember this..." Ferb unbuttoned his shirt **(queue fangirl squeal)** to reveal a gaping hole in the middle of his chest. Had he been human, he would've died from that.

"Holy darn..." Phineas muttered.

"What did you say?"

"Holy darn."

Ferb snorted, "That's new. Where'd you get it from?"

"I dunno..."

Meanwhile, Baljeet found himself face to face with everyone's favorite ginger. You guessed it! It was the Author. But she didn't introduce herself as a villain to him. Rather than that, her first words to him were, "Run!"

"What the-?" Baljeet never got to finish his sentence, for at that moment, a large, red-furred wolf pounced onto him. Then the girl drew a sword from nowhere and flung it at the wolf. The wolf dropped to the ground dead, and inexplicably turned into someone very familiar.

"Phineas!" Baljeet looked at the gory image of Phineas, who still had a sword sticking out of his chest.

"Don't worry, he's not actually dead. This is all just a dream. You're trapped in your subconscious."

"I am what?! Am I in a hospital? When will I wake up?" Baljeet asked, "And who are you?"

"No, you're not in the hospital. You've been kicked out by you're feminine side, and will remain trapped here until you find your way out. I'm called the Author. I'm just here to make sure you don't go insane."

"Wait, my subconscious sent a pretty girl to keep me company while a female version of myself is running amok in Danville?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Huh. How typical. So... Is the person running around out there, uh... A girl?"

"Yup. She's a hot, blonde version of you who looks quite a bit like Britney Spears."

"Wh-wh-what?!" And with that, Baljeet fainted.

**A/N: Anyone get a kick outta that? It was fun to write, but very time consuming. See ya soon with another chapter!**


	19. Romeo and Juliet

**NOTE: ANYONE WHO JUST CLICKED ON THIS CHAPTER AND WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE SECOND TO LAST ONE, I'VE POSTED TWO CHAPTERS TODAY, SO GO BACK ONE! THANK YOU!**

* * *

**A/N: Anyone care to note the melodrama of this chapter title? Yeah, I was running out of ideas for what to call this, and when I thought of Romeo and Juliet, I was thinking, "Huh, well, there ****_is _****poison involved, what with Ferb's being a vampire, so... I guess that works..." So, here's the second chapter I'm posting today, and as soon as I finish editing it, I'll get the last chapters up. WARNING: After this chapter, things start getting... T Rated. Lots of violence and death and such. Just a warning. **

Noticing Baljeet's unconsciousness (which was somehow possible despite him already being held captive in his own brain) the Author smiled. "Good, he's out. Time for phase two. I've gotta break Ferb, and there's only one way to do that."

Disguising as Doofenshmirtz was probably the weirdest thing the Author had ever done, but it was necessary for the ending to work, so she did it. She managed the German accent and everything.

So when Vanessa walked in, she didn't notice anything odd at all.

"Hey Dad!" she smiled.

"Vanessa, we need to talk," the Author replied in Doofenshmirtz's gravelly voice.

Vanessa raised an eyebrow, "About what?"

"About that boy you're with."

Oh, that. "Look, dad, I'm twenty-two, you don't need to-"

"Vanessa, you know you'll always be my little girl. I'm not comfortable with you dating a vampire. It's dangerous."

"Dad, you're dangerous! I can't believe it, you are not telling me this again. Argh, this is just like what happened with Monty!"

"No, it's much worse. Look, you are risking not only your life, but also your mother's, and mine, and I won't have that. And I know you're a mature adult who can make your own decisions, so I'm saying that if you don't break up with him... I'm kicking you out!"

Vanessa gasped, a horrified expression on her face, "You're what?!"

"I'm kicking you out! You are threatening my life, and I like being alive, so I'm not letting you near me so long as you're dating that creep. It disgusts me that you'd even consider going out with such a jerk. But then again, you did date Monty Monogram, jerk-face of America." The Author silently chided herself for using the phrase 'jerk-face'. She somehow doubted Doofenshmirtz had ever used those two words next to each other.

A tear slid down Vanessa's cheek. "It's not that, is it? You don't love me anymore, do you?!"

"Oh, Vanessa, of course I..." The Author trailed off. "No. I'm sorry, but no. Now please, get out of my house!"

"This is exactly what happened with Mom! You are a freaking monster!"

And with that, Vanessa ran out of the apartment building, completely convinced that she had let her father down. She felt awful.

Awful enough to die.

So, walking down the street, Ferb saw his next blood-filled victim.

Blood.

She had that typical "drug-addict-about-to-commit-suicide-anyway" look. Her head was hung low, and tears of regret fell freely from her bloodshot eyes.

Blood.

He saw no loss here. Blood would be shed-

BLOOD!

- anyway, so why not kill her? But he still needed to check for witnesses. Blood-filled witnesses.

Blood!

No. No one. Good thing, because it would've been too late anyway...

Vanessa saw Ferb in crazy-vampire mode right away. She knew she didn't stand a chance. And she didn't care. Who did? Obviously not her father, not Monty, not her mother. And apparently not Ferb, either, otherwise he wouldn't have tried to kill her.

And then they were face to face.

Vanessa looked into Ferb's eyes, with an expression on her face that screamed, 'Kill me now!'. No more sadness. No more misery. She would be rid of it all, with only one simple bite. A bite, then the drinking of her blood. Yes, that sounded pretty good.

When Ferb pulled his hood off (no point covering a vampire's face in the dark) he finally got a good look at his victim, and he faltered.

Why not kill her? This could be done by now! But she looked so familiar... The long, brown hair, the indigo eyes, the content and serene expression, despite the tears, and despite her imminent death.

Who was she? Who was she?

And then it dawned on him, and he gasped in horror, "Vanessa?!"

"Ferb, why didn't you kill me?"

"You say that as if you want to be killed," and then realizing the truth of his statement, he added, "Vanessa, what's wrong? Why didn't you run away?"

"I- I got kicked out of my dad's place, and I just felt like there was no real point anymore. I'd already been rejected by Monty and my mother, and I felt... Unloved, I guess..." Tears dripped down Vanessa's face again, but Ferb quickly wiped them away.

"What about me? I love you more than anything else, and you know that," Ferb's voice cracked at the end of that sentence, and for the first time since he had turned into a vampire, he felt tears coming. He had no idea what vampire tears were like, but he'd heard they were made of venom.

Fitting enough. Tears of venom for a guiltless creature.

"I know," Vanessa interrupted Ferb's thought, "and I was thinking twice until you came along to drink my blood. I know it's stupid, but I thought that you had targeted me on purpose. I'm sorry, Ferb, I don't know how you would deal with yourself if you'd killed me."

"I wouldn't care," Ferb remarked bitterly, "I can't feel any guilt for those I've killed. I'm not sure I'd even remember your name."

A new light entered Vanessa's eyes. Ferb knew the expression well: anger. She lifted her hand and gave him a well-deserved slap in the face. "Then why not kill me?! Why not just get it over with?! Cos' apparently _no one freaking cares if I'm dead anyway_!"

"Vanessa, please-"

"Don't 'Vanessa please' me! Do you even understand what it's like not to be loved? No! You're a feelingless monster who couldn't care less if his own girlfriend died! What kind of freak are you?!"

"A freak who cares about you more than anything else on the planet. Look, right now every atom of my existence wants to drink your blood. The temptation is terrifying, but I love you so much that I am still holding on. And I will hold on forever, until I'm not a threat to you anymore." Ferb lost his temper right then, and he exclaimed in a harsh tone, "Do you get how bloody***** hard that is?!"

Vanessa looked up at Ferb, but this time her expression was one of sheer guilt.

Ferb looked down at her with an apologetic face.

A mutual apology. And it was accepted by both instantaneously.

Then Ferb wrapped his arms around Vanessa's waist, and both leaned toward each other.

Their lips met, and they didn't separate for a long while.

***The irony of Ferb's using the word 'bloody' is not lost on me, don't worry. ****Sorry for the minor (or major, I wouldn't know the difference) curse word, ****British people. I had to. It just made so much sense, what with Ferb being both** **a vampire and British. And sorry for the stereotyping, too. I'm aware that not** **all British people use that word, and that it's not always used in that context, ** **but admit it, that was a pretty good pun.**

**A/N: Dude, this is the longest chapter on the planet. Including the Author's Notes and such, it came to 1379 words. Holy darn!**


	20. The Worst of It

**A/N: Second to last chapter, guys! If you have any questions, this is your last chance until the sequel!**

Phineas was just starting to clean up the meager remains of his invention for the day when his phone vibrated. Checking the caller I.D., he picked up.

"Hey Ferb, where are you? I was expecting you back at twelve A.M. yesterday! It's almost eight at night!"

"I know, I know... Phineas, something happened last night. She's dead... She's dead, Phineas," Ferb sobbed.

Phineas assumed the worst right away. "Who, Ferb? Candace? Is-Isabella?"

There was nothing but silence for the next minute.

"It's... It's... She's dead!" Ferb couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Ferb? Are you feeling... Guilt?" Phineas almost managed a smile.

"Augh! It's tearing me apart! No, I don't feel guilty that I ki-ki-killed her. Her blood tasted wonderful! It's just that- that- she's dead! She's dead!" Ferb's moans and sighs could be heard from Phineas' end of the line.

"Look, not to be redundant or anything, but who's dead?!"

"It's- it's- it's-"

Then came the punch:

"It's Vanessa..."

Phineas' eyes widened."Oh, gosh... I'm so sorry..."

"Phineas, I'm leaving. Can you tell Candace for me?"

Silence.

"No," Phineas remarked after awhile, "No, I can't."

"Why not?!"

"Because I'm leaving too..."

"Phineas, you're not following me, it's-"

"I'm not going to follow you. I'll leave her a note. Then I'll leave. Bye, Ferb."

He hung up. This was horrible. Just too horrible. So many questions ran through his head. What would happen if he killed someone? He still felt guilty; he still had a conscience. It would kill him.

How was he any less dangerous than Ferb? He wasn't. Where would he go? That was a question he knew the answer to right away. He thought back two weeks.

He had been out with Candace, who had wanted to buy him some werewolf novels, which in her mind meant New Moon and Early Evening. Blech. Anyway, they had been walking around Danville, and Candace had noticed a new building that had been built while she had been off at college.

How did he remember this building? It had been built by an extremely wealthy man, and the building's most notable (and expensive) characteristic was the long silver spire. Key word: silver. Silver kills werewolves. And right next to the building was an even taller one with a balcony right over the spire.

How to get into the building? Simple. The owner of the penthouse was none other than Vanessa's father, and Dr. D would certainly remember him...

One thing left: the note. He sat down and started writing. It went something like this:

* * *

_Dear Candace,_

_After you've read this note, destroy it. Don't look for us, don't tell anyone anything. Assume we're dead. It's for the best, we promise you._

_Before we leave, we just wanted to say "Thank you". For all you've done for us. For all you'll do for yourself by not looking for us. For all you would've done had we been able to stay. So thank you. For everything. But we need to leave. We know you want to see us again, but it's out of the question, you see? We're monsters! Don't look for us, assume we're dead. Please. Thank you._

_~~~Phineas and Ferb_

* * *

He put it on Candace's bed. She would get home at about ten, and he would already be gone by then.

But then he remembered, "Isabella!" He smacked himself in the face. What would she think of this? She would feel horrible!

Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by a rather familiar teenaged girl with red hair, "Why don't you break up with her?"

"Why don't I what?!"

"If you break her heart, she won't worry if she never sees you again," Phineas recognized her now. She was Ferb's first target other than Phineas himself. "I ship Ferbella anyway."

"First? I suppose that makes sense, but how do I bring myself to do that? I've never been that great at acting. Second, you ship what? Ferb and Isabella? That's disgusting!"

"Well, I suppose I'm talking to Isabella's boyfriend... Anyway, you won't have to act at all." Suddenly the girl morphed into- uh, Phineas...

"What in the heck?!"

"I'm you now," said Phineas II, "I'll break up with Izzy while you go do your thing. You alright with that?"

"Uh... That sounded really weird coming from me... But sure, I'll go."

"You sure you wanna do this?"

"Positive. After seeing Ferb... I don't want to be in that situation! Better me than Mom, or Dad, or Candace, or Isabella, or Ferb... I still can't believe I almost killed Ferb..." Phineas sighed. He needed to do this.

"Alright. Just... Don't do anything you'll regret..."

"Got it." And with that, both Phineases were off.

It was abou two minutes later that Candace walked in. Both her parents were on vacation at the moment, so she announced, "Phineas! Ferb! I'm home early!"

Silence.

Slowly, carefully, she walked up to her room. She immediately saw a torn piece of looseleaf paper. After reading it, she realized what they were doing right away, and it wasn't pretty.

_The silver spire..._

_Assume we're dead..._

"Oh, dear gosh, no..."

She hopped into her car with one location in mind: the spire.

She had to beat two supernatural creatures to the silver spire.

Each could run much faster than she could drive.

This was bad.


	21. A Leap of Faith

**A/N: And here we are. The final chapter. Now, to answer some questions (mainly: How the heck did Vanessa die?!) I'll tell you this: Normality, the upcoming sequel to Mortality, will answer these questions. I'm not gonna say anything, but I will tell you this: the second book starts before the point that Mortality ends. Questions will be answered, just read... Sorry about all the killers and twists last chapter. I'd say this chapter fixes it, but it kinda has a cliffhanger. Okay, fine, there's a HUGE cliffhanger, but, yeah...**

_Run... Run... _Phineas hoped that the girl hadn't been lying; it was too late now... _Make a right here_... Over and over he asked himself, "Do I really want to do this?" _Keep running, you're almost there_... Every time, he immediately answered to himself, "What would happen if I _didn't_?" _Left! Now a sharp right! _Phineas was obviously being a complete idiot, but in a dazed rush he had decided to let fear and paranoia take over and, you know, die._ Stop!_ He had arrived.

Meanwhile, the Author, still disguised as Phineas, slammed the door behind her. She could still hear Isabella crying from inside her house, "How could you?! Why, Phineas? Why?"

Needless to say, the Author had done a pretty good job. The story and reasoning behind the fake breakup didn't make too much sense, but Isabella's reaction was perfect. Sad and angry, with a broken heart. Perfect for a boyfriend on the verge of suicide.

But enough of Isabella, the one feeling really stressed was Candace. Driving across town trying to beat her two brothers to a tower in order to avoid their death. Scary. She managed to get to the building in five minutes flat, but it wasn't soon enough. She couldn't see Phineas or Ferb anywhere. Then she heard a muffled banging, like sneakers on concrete. "Stairs! They're going up the stairs!"

Phineas ran as fast as he could on the stairs, causing quite a racket in the process. Finally, he arrived at Dr. D's door.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

He pounded as loudly as possible without breaking the door down. When the door did give way ("Wow, these hinges are really loose! Its almost like there's someone breaking down the door every day!), he noticed that no one was home. This made things much simpler.

"Seriously?! The elevator's out of order?! Guess I'll take the stairs..." She had gone up these stairs before in the process of earning a Fireside Girls' patch, so the climb wasn't too difficult, but she still grew weary as she reached the top. "Keep going! You can't let them do this!"

"Should I?" Phineas asked himself, "Should I jump?". He stood on the balcony, his doom right below him.

He climbed outside so that his hands were all that was keeping him from imminent death. Now! No, there's someone standing right there...

Hurry! Hurry! Candace had reached the door to the penthouse, which had already been kicked down. _The poor man who lives here... It's not every day you get your door kicked down by someone! _Luckily, nobody was home. That would've been really awkward._  
_

Quickly, she ran to the balcony. She saw nothing but a pair of hands and a flash of ginger hair.

"Phineas!" Candace screeched.

The grip of the hands loosened.

"Phineas! Please!" Tears streamed down her face.

Not now... This isn't happening...

Then the hands started holding tighter.

Candace rushed to the edge of the balcony and looked down at her brother.

"Candace..." Phineas looked up at her sister, who was weeping.

"Phineas! Where's Ferb?!"

"I don't know. He wasn't with me."

"Phineas, please don't jump..." She looked at him with a pained expression.

Phineas bit his lip. A single tear slid down his cheek.

"Please, don't even think about it!" Candace noticed her brother's indecisiveness.

Phineas was silent for a while.

Then, in a tone that was drenched in regret, he said, "I'm sorry, Candace."

Then he let go.

TO BE CONTINUED IN "NORMALITY", THE SEQUEL TO MORTALITY

**A/N: Ooh! Two deaths in two chapters! I bet you guys are dying! Anyway, please review, there's plenty of material here you can criticize, flame, or fangirl about! I don't care what the review says, just type something into the stupid box! If irony suits you, you can take that last sentence literally. Just review, please!**

**In other news, the sequel should be up within a few weeks! I'm so excited!**

**Oh yeah, and has anyone here ever heard of Doctor Who? I'm thinking of doing a crossover with Phineas and Ferb, but if no one likes it... Well... Anyway, Veebee's out, peace!**


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